Why are you fat?

OK no one ever really asks me that.  I have been asked why I let myself go and how long have you been 'big' but never why.

Well I could blame my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cats, Obama, that idiot over there, you but in reality its because of choices I've made throughout my life.  

Poor choices.  (Why do I always think of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when I say something about choices.  "He chose...poorly.")

It is and always will be easier to blame other people.  Then I can sit back scarf down a box of donuts and feel righteous that if other people would have done this or that for me I wouldn't be fat.

I'm fat because I eat a shit ton of food and I never exercise.  I know, I know.  You thought I was going to give some long explanation about being big boned, thyroid, any numerous bull shit excuses.  

The fact is I eat a lot and I like to move as little as possible.

That wasn't true when I was really young.  Like early grade school young.  I would play outside for days on end at my grandparents house up in Logansport.  I would ride bikes, play in my grandpa's shed, pretend I was some great explorer, you name it.  I did all of that great kid stuff.  But all the while I still ate like it was my last meal, every meal.

And I wasn't eating stuff that was good for me.  I could blame it on that one time my grandma made me sit at the table and finish some veggie or when my dad wouldn't let me get up until I finished the BLT he made for me.  The LT of that sandwich made me want to gag.  Maybe that triggered something in my mind that said if I'm getting punished with this stuff it must be horrible.  You know what.  I think there's some truth to that.

But that was some 20-30 years ago.  I'm a grown ass man.  I have more information available to me as does the rest of society than I've ever had.  I should be able to beat this.  The thing is, I've read all the info.  I can tell you exactly how I can lose weight.  I can tell you exactly how to lose weight.

Here's the thing though.  I've lost 30-60lbs several times in my life.  I did it in high school.  I did it right after college.  I did it again about 10 years ago.  So I know how to lose weight.  I am an expert in that field.  I tried all sorts of things.  Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Weight Watchers Online, Atkins...all the big names.  The only one that worked for me was Atkins.  

So I know what gets me fat.  Carbs do.  Sugar and processed flour.  When I was eating meat, cheese, beans and nuts I was dropping pounds quicker than I ever had in my life.  I got more energy and actually started exercising even.  I love the FitLynxx stuff at the Y.  I could work out and get all geeky and go online and find out how much I lifted.

But then I would find excuses for not going back to the gym.  I would eat crap from fast food places again.  And then I started probably the most destructive thing I've ever done.  I'll get into that later.  Not sure I'm ready to talk about that yet.  But I need to.

Then I'd be 20-30 pounds fatter than I was before I started losing weight.

In the end though I never saw enough results to be satisfied.  I'd get below the elusive 300lbs mark and that would be great but I was still effin' fat.  I'd look at myself in the mirror and say, "Why bother."

Well I'll tell you why I should bother:

1.  I don't want to die.

2.  I have a beautiful family that doesn't want me to die.

3.  I do not want to buy another piece of clothing from Casual Male (aka the Fat Guy Store)

4.  I want to parts of my body that I haven't seen in 20 years except in a mirror.

5.  Did I mention I don't want to die

Well that was long enough.  I thought it would be hard to write about this but I think I like to hear (or see) myself talk.

tl;dr

I'm fat because of choices I made

I don't want to die