I'm Official

I got a letter in the mail the other day from my surgeon's office confirming my pre-op test date and surgery date.  I already knew the dates but it was cool getting the official letter.

One or two facts that I know already:
1.  I have to scrub with Hibiclens the night before and the morning of my surgery.  I'm sure that will make me feel all sexy and stuff.
2.  I am scheduled for an EKG and blood work.  This is no real surprise.  The EKG will be fun.  They'll have to shave my chest pubes in a few places for that.  That's a small price to pay.

In my last post I mentioned that you shouldn't take what you read on the interwebs seriously.  However I find that going to some of these bariatric sites are like watching a train wreck.  I can't turn away.  Maybe that post was to remind me that I shouldn't believe everything I read on the Net.

I respect the fact that some people benefit from these sites.  I will admit that I have benefited from some of the posts and forum threads.  I respect the fact that not everyone on Earth is a drooling water head.  However some people act like drooling water heads when not met with any resistance as is more often the case on the Internet.

With that being said there are some things of value on those sites.  They have FAQs on terms thrown around in the bariatric world.  They have some common sense do's and don't's that always comes in handy if your brain turns to mush which likely will happen during a high stress event like surgery.

What you have to learn to do is filter out the ridiculous from the common sense advice.  That's really up to you.  If you want to psych yourself out, believe everything you read.  If you want to be prepared, do some research, write down some questions and take them to the pre-op class.

For instance, one of the forums has some questions that you should ask your surgeon.  One of those questions is will I have an open procedure (open body cavity and slightly more risk) or laproscopic (camera based surgery).  That's a great question.  I asked it and I know what I'll be having unless there are complications.

There are other great questions too.  Most of them are regarding complications.  I asked those too.

One question is what is your mortality rate?  At first I thought this was a good question.  Then the more I thought about it, what's it really going to prove?  If your surgeon has been killing off patients left and right, chances are they are not going to be with a good practice.  Sure there are exceptions but I doubt it.

Some folks think that going to a doctor or having a medical procedure should be like going to a mechanic.  There will be a set procedure and cost according to what you want done and we'll know the outcome each time.  I could go on a diatribe on why I think this sort of thinking is what hack lawyers dream of and push into the feeble minds of their victims...er clients but I won't.

I'm getting way to preachy.  But this is my soapbox dammit.  No one reads this anyway right?

tl;dr
If you want to believe something you'll find supporting evidence for it on the Internet.

Ask a Professional

I sat down to write a long post p'wning forums and bloggers regarding bariatric surgery.  Then I read over the examples from the former and the latter again before I hit 'Publish'.  I'm glad I did that.

I was feeling very righteous and I still do.  However I'm going to keep this short and sweet.

DO NOT RELY ON THE INFORMATION YOU FIND OR RECEIVE FROM THE INTERNET

Ever.

Puppies will get kicked if you do so.

The Internet is a vast wasteland devoid of much structure or regulation.  I'm glad for that and I hope it stays that way.

In that regard, going to 'medical' sites like WebMD (aka you're going to die dot commmmmm) and taking that as Gospel is just plain dumb.  The same goes for going to a forum or reading a blog about bariatric surgery and taking that as Gospel.  I've already talked about this.  I'm not an expert.  This is one man's experience.  I hope it provides some information for folks but I do not expect it to be a trusted resource.

There are way too many people who feel that because they have been through this surgery they are qualified to throw around medical advice or diagnose someone based on a forum post or comment to a blog.

Just their surgeon wore mismatched socks the day of their surgery and they lived doesn't mean that you should expect your surgeon to do the same.  Likewise if they had to have a test done that is not being required of you doesn't mean your surgeon / bariatric team are bumbling chimps.

If you feel like you're getting jerked around in your bariatric process it is your right to go seek another bariatric program.  Sure it's OK to get a second opinion.  Just not from someone called unckledickiedo on fatsobariatricforums.com.us.uk.org.me.

Got it?  Good.

tl;dr
The Internet cannot be trusted.

Save the Date

Community North Bariatric Rocks

Yesterday I got the call I've been waiting for just over a year to get.  The nice lady at CNB called me around 10AM Monday to schedule my pre-operation testing, final class and surgery!

I wish I could have recorded the call.  Not only is the staff at CNB on the ball, they are the most friendly of folks.  She told me she was calling to schedule and I was so excited I asked her, "What for?  Surgery?!!!?"

I think she probably hears complaining about it taking too long but after THIS experience the 3 or so weeks blew by.


I will put a disclaimer in from this point on because we're going to get all medical and stuff on here.

***I AM NOT A DOCTOR***
***I DO NOT PLAY A DOCTOR ON TV***
***I DID NOT SLEEP IN A HOLIDAY INN EXPRESS LAST NIGHT***

Got it?  Good.  If you bitch at me because you happen to read this blog and think that things are going to go exactly the same for you, you're in need of further help.

Where do I go from here?

For info about what's happened up to this point, feel free to browse the other posts on my blog.  You'll see the archive of posts to the right ------------------------------>

Here is what I know so far.  I will be doing pre-operative testing on 9/21.  I have no idea what these tests will be.  From my limited understanding it depends on the patient so what I could be tested for you may not be tested for.

On 10/5 I will be going under the knife for the first time in my life.  Again, I have no idea what to expect other than the type of surgery that will be performed (Roux-en-y).  I hate linking to WebMD because eventually everything you read on that site suddenly ends up with death as the final result.  However their description of the procedure is quite good.

I have a general idea of what will happen at the pre-op testing and class that follows that.  You'll have to come back to find out what happens to me though!

tl;dr

My surgery Date is scheduled for 10/5/2012
YMMV

F*** Yeah!

Good things come to those who wait...even when you're fat.

Last night my beautiful wife got home before me because I was at the local Spicecorps of Indianapolis meeting.  We have been paying close attention to the mail lately waiting for the letter from the insurance company on my surgery.  It has been agonizing frankly.

In the middle of the meeting I check my phone and she texted me that we got the letter from our insurance company.  I'm trying not to be excited because I'm the constant pessimist when it comes to things like this.  I'd blame this on being fat but it's my upbringing to blame.  Irish Catholics are notoriously pessimistic.  I digress...

Pretty soon my wife is all but begging to open the letter.  I told her to go ahead and this is what she sends back:

"Let's go out for steak cuz it's the last one you will eat for awhile!"

So the problem with texting is you never can tell exactly what someone means by a text.  So I respond with "lol".  A few seconds later she responds with "Approved!"  I think that was excitement and frustration for me being so nonchalant about it.  I really didn't know what she meant by the steak comment though!

I won't post what else we talked about...

Am I broken?

What really surprised me was how nonchalant I really was.  I was a bit pessimistic but I knew that CN would come through for me.  It hasn't quite sunk in that I'm going to have the biggest tool in my fight against fat in my arsenal hopefully by the end of the year.

Even to type that though gives me goosebumps.  I'm terrified of all the pre-op stuff for surgery but I've never been so ready for something in my life.

The big elephant in the room is the question on everyone's mind.

"Will this make you happy?"

and

"Will you stop beating yourself up?"

There is no clear answer to that honestly.

Here's what I do know from talking to the nurses, surgeons, dietitians, physical therapists and people who have gone through the surgery.  I'm going to immediately lose a ton (hahahahahahahaha) of weight.  That's going to be a huge ego boost for me to see results.  I'm going to start to get the energy back that I can honestly say I haven't had since I was a little kid.  I have the support of my family, especially my gorgeous wife.  I have the support of my friends.  I have the support of my coworkers who are going to have to take up my slack when I'm off.

In other words I have a lot at stake here and I refuse to waste it.  Am I going to be happier?  Absolutely.  Who in this world wouldn't be happy losing all that weight?  I'm sure that there are some weirdos out there that like being fat but not this guy.

My friends and family don't make me unhappy.  Being fat makes me unhappy.

Easy for me to say, I know.  I am married to the strongest woman I've ever known.  How she puts up my my old grumpy ass I'll never know but she has and I love her for it.  I'm surrounded by people who love me and its time for me to step up, sack up and get with the program.  It's time for me to stop bringing people down because I'm so unhappy with myself.

This is still just the beginning.  Part of me wants to run out and eat as much BBQ, steak, junk food and other goodies (mmmmm...Oreo and M&M blizzards....) as I can.  The rest of me says, "Grow up fatso.  This ain't a game."

TL;DR
- Insurance approved my surgery
- I'm happier than a bus full of fat women going to a Ricky Martin concert
- I'm going to have more energy and be happy with myself

From Alchoholic to Foodoholic...

I love food

It's funny how fat people always think about food.  I think about food days in advance if we're going somewhere I really like.  Like Oriental Inn.  I love that place.  Our whole family loves it.  I'm thinking about their hot and sour soup as I type this.  I will literally imagine the menu in my head the few days before we go there.

And Famous Dave's.  I have dreams about their ribs...

The point is I think about food constantly.  Food is what gets me through the day.  It's sad and stupid at the same time.  Food is my security blanket.  It worries me that I'm not going to have that security after my surgery.  I'll still be thinking about food all the time but I think in a completely different way.

The therapist that I went to see per this program suggested that I'll end up transferring this food addiction to keeping to my diet and following the plan that the docs, dietitians and physical therapists lay out for me.

I hope that's true.

Follow the yellow, piss stained wall

15 years ago I was sent to The Guest House in Rochester, MN by the Archdiocese of Indianapolis because I had a drinking problem.  Let's see...I was in an all male school in the middle of Southern Indiana.  I wasn't homosexual.  What the hell else did they expect us to do?  Guess what?  They wanted me to prepare for the priesthood.  I got drunk instead.

The school I was at tried to let me get help on my own by attending AA meetings in the surrounding area.  That would work until I started hanging out with my 'friends' again.  Then it was time to 'Hammer Down'.  These 'friends' liked to see me drink.  I would chug whole beers, whole bottles of liquor, you name it, I probably chugged it.  I was a clown basically.  It all came to a head in the late Winter of 1996-97.

I don't know what was bugging me that early February night in 1997.  Probably first world problems.  Whatever it was I need a drink.  For me, a drink wasn't just 1 or 2 beers.  It was pitchers of beer...by myself.  I would frequently black out.  I thought that was normal.  At least the people I told about it afterwards thought it was a funny story.

This night, as it would turn out, would be the same but different.  I ordered pitcher after pitcher.  Maybe I ordered for others, I don't know and no one ever told me.  It's probably a good thing I don't know.  Either way after that much beer your bladder has had enough.

I needed to piss like a racehorse so I went out towards the front door where the men's room was.  Instead of turning right, I went through the front door and turned left...and took the most fateful piss of my life.  Right in front of the Board of Overseers for the college.  They were on their way down for a night cap after a day of meetings.

Well they got dinner and a show that night.  I stumbled back into the bar.  I had to have someone help me fill out and sign the check for the bar tab.  I remember that clearly.  The next thing I knew I ended up in my room.  The next morning I woke up with blood all over my foot and sheets.  I had kicked a chair in my room and cut my big toe wide open.

One of the monks saw my toe and sent me to the on campus medical office to get cleaned up.  I was tongue made of carpet hungover by then.  I went back to my room and slept till about 3 in the afternoon.  After dinner one of the monks who was my mentor met with me and told me what happened.  I was in deep shit.  I just went back to my room and had a drink.  I didn't know what was going to happen.  I just hoped I wouldn't get expelled.  I had already taken a year off because my grades were horrible my freshman year.

So the next day the Vocation's Director for the Archdiocese of Indianapolis at the time showed up.  I was summoned to a meeting with all kinds of folks.  I was getting an intervention.  My mentor drove me up to Rochester the next day.  I owe my life to that man.  And to St. Meinrad College.  But that priest can kiss my ass.  The lack of compassion that oozed out of him sickens me even as I write this.  Sure I was a problem child for the Archdiocese.  I knew that I had effed shit up bad.  Instead of telling me that I was going to get help all he could say was, "When you're done up there we'll talk about your future with this Diocese."  Great compassion Fr. Dickface.

Off the see the wizard...

I ended up in Rochester the day after that since it took us 2 days to drive up there.  I felt like I was on my way to prison.  When it's all said and done though I cherish the time I had there.  I met some very good friends who are sadly dead now.  There aren't any young people up there.  I won't go back up there for reunions though.  It's 3 months of my life I'll never get back.  I don't want to be reminded of that anymore.

So, I tell myself periodically that I could have a real beer or a mixed drink and be fine.  But I can tell you that being fat is one hundred times better than being drunk for me.  I was a miserable asshole when I was drunk.   I enjoy a N/A beer every so often and I have no guilt about that at all.  But I know that having another drink will send me into a spiral that I would never escape.

So that happy little piece of my life tells me I'm prepared to switch addictions.  I switched from food and alcohol to just food.  Now I'm about to switch from food to healthy living.  I just hope I don't end up a bigger douche than I already feel.

Gettin' Anxious

So I think it will be 3 weeks this Wednesday since we submitted to insurance.  You know all the bullshit that they told me about it taking long.  I'm finally realizing that they were right.  I look at the mail each day hoping we'll get a note from the insurance company with any news.

No news is good news.  That's horseshit.  No news is nerve racking.  On the upside we're taking the peanut to the Indiana State Fair today.  We haven't gone since before we had Ella so this will be her first time.  It's beautiful outside and I can't wait.  This may be my last year to eat a steak sandwich, elephant ear and milkshakes from the Dairy Barn.  Funny thing is I'm not really worried about that.  I'm not exactly going to starve myself while I'm there though.

Just Kidding

So I'm still waiting on our insurance company to email us a letter on whether or not I am approved for the surgery.  From my understanding they will either approve it or request more information to be provided by me or someone at the surgeon's office.

So I'm like my kids at the end of school waiting for their grades.  Well that's not true.  They don't have to do that anymore.  They just look at them online.  But that's how I feel.  I want to be the first one to look in the mail box when we get home and rifle through the mail.

I'm not getting discouraged because its only been 2 weeks I think but yesterday I got a piece of mail from our insurance company.  My heart jumped in my throat for just a second.  Then my wife, always my voice of reason, said, "I think it's just junk mail."  So I said, "Probably..." but I tore open that letter just in case.

Just kidding...it was an add for insurance for dollars a day.  "Send it to the Democrats." I thought to myself.  They're paying...

I digress.

I felt a little disappointed that I hadn't heard anything but I'm keeping my spirits up.  I have a beautiful wife and 3 great kids that are very supportive of me and of this process.

What's Next

So I've covered this journey up to now.  I can tell some of you are hanging on the edge of your seat waiting for the next post.

The Waiting Game

Because you probably aren't familiar with the process to get approved for bariatric surgery I'll try to give you a little taste of what I've gone through at Community North.

After the initial seminar I waited to hear back from the wonderful insurance admin with CN.  I got a call about a week later saying she had talked with my insurance company and they required I have 3 months of supervised weight loss.

This is pretty common.  Short of no supervised weight loss requirement, 3 months is the lowest term required by insurance providers.  6 months is the norm and it can be as much as 12 months.  I felt pretty lucky but I'm not going to be surprised if they come back and say, "My bad.  We meant 6 months."  This isn't CN's insurance admins fault.  It's the insurance providers' fault.  The requirement should be in black and white but apparently it can be left up to interpretation.

So for the past 3 months I've been doing the following:

- 1 class a month with the dietitian and / or physical therapist.  These can be unsettling for us folks because we've run the gauntlet of weight loss programs.  We despise dietitians and bubbly health nuts talking to us about weight loss and how to eat right.  CN gets it though.  Their dietitans and physical therapists get it.  They don't beat us up.  They are strictly filling the requirement for the insurance provider.

At other places you're left to your own devices like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or something like that.  Then you have to provide proof to your surgeon and then the insurance provider.  Then you make a process that is already a crap shoot even harder by relying on yourself.  You never did that before with success why do it now?

Fat Guy Advice - Find a program that does the supervised weight loss as part of their program.

- I had to get blood work and other physical testing done.  Why?  Because they are looking for comorbidities.  There's an awesome word.  So insurance companies don't see obesity as a problem.  But if you can prove that by being obese you have sleep apnia, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc, they will be more likely to approve you for surgery.

- 1 session with a psychiatrist (or psychologist) I don't remember.
Coincidentally I met with the same guy both at STV and CN.  His job is to make sure I have the right mind frame to deal with the massive emotional change that comes along with this massive physical change.  When I met him at STV he referred me to a counselor that I was required to see at least 3 times.

Fat Guy Advice - Don't challenge these docs.  Do what they say.  Yeah you have to pay out of your pocket.  Yeah its yet another thing you have to do.  Just do it.  It's made my journey easier.

After meeting with the counselor 3 times he sent a letter to the shrink (I'm sure they love to be called that) recommending me to proceed.  Keep in mind this was at STV before I got jammed by the surgeon's office.
So after meeting with the shrink again at CN we just talked and he told me as before I'm ready to proceed.

- Meet with the surgeon.  So this feels like the end and they're going to tell you to get ready for surgery.  But it's not the end.  This is the beginning of Wait Fest 2012.  I met with my surgeon.  Dr. Jones.  She's great and I feel like I'm in good hands.  My primary care physician recommended her also.  She was there to answer questions I had which were none at this point.  So the next day they were supposed to submit to insurance.

The hardest part...

As Tom Petty sings, "The waiting is the hardest part..."

And he's right.  Right now I'm in limbo.  Dr. Jones says it will be 2-4 weeks before we hear anything from insurance.  Sometimes we get the letter first and sometimes they do.  I look in the mailbox every day...I feel like waiting on my acceptance into college.

So life goes on for now Corky.

That's why I'm doing this.  So life can go on for a long, long time...

Family

The toll that fat takes on me is huge.  I'm literally shaving years off of my life with each pound I gain.  What I, and I'd venture to say most fat people out there, don't get or just refuse to admit is how much stress it puts on each and every one of your family and to a point your friends.

We have lots of reasons why we seemingly don't think or care about our family and friends.

We Blame Them

This is by far the worst but I'd bet most common excuse of all.  Unless your family is some kind of psychotic group of people reenacting the gluttony scene from the movie Se7en they are not forcing food down your throat.  You may feel like they are doing everything but...but god dammit it's your body and it's your choice.

We are ashamed of ourselves

This is the real reason.  For me at least.  I am distant, moody, grumpy, whatever you want to call it.  Not because I'm miserable in my relationships with others but because most days I see myself at about the same level as a dung beetle.  I have my moments where I'm attentive, loving, caring, funny (without making myself look like a huge douche) but at the least bit of pressure I regress like a hurt animal.  If there was a rock big enough for my fat ass to get under, I'd be there.

I know...suck it up right?  Well it's not that easy when you've been on defense of yourself even to yourself for nearly 30 years.

There are loads of other reasons that I'll try to delve into later but these are the 2 big ones for me.

What now?

So this is great that I know why I feel like a total doucher most of the time.  It's great that I've admitted my faults but how does this help my family?

Honestly?  It doesn't help.  It won't help until I start making changes.  I can say with a straight face that I've finally admitted that I have a problem and that its my problem, not anyone else's  Now its just a matter of time before I start being proud of myself.  That and telling and more importantly showing my family how much I love them and appreciate them.

It's one thing to say / write all of this happy shit down.  It's another one entirely to take action.  That's what us fatsos lack.  The motivation to get up and do something about it.  Sure its physical.  We've wiped out our energy supply long ago.  That's why I've chosen to do bariatric surgery.  The quicker I lose weight the quicker I will get that energy back.  With energy comes motivation.

The Journey to Community

I feel like I'm writing a whole boat load of posts but I also want to catch people up.  It's cute how I think people will read this right?

In a previous post I talked about getting started off on this bariatric journey on the wrong foot.  I reference that post because if you just got here you need to read it first.  Or maybe I'm just looking for more page views.

Anywho...

After getting completely pissed off with STV I stewed for about 2 months.  I got whiny and bitchy.  I kept saying this is never going to get done.  I'm going to be fat the rest of my life...words words words (that's for you Johnner if you ever read this)

Then I decided to give another bariatric program a try.  I called 2 different places and the only one that called me back was Community North.

I bit.  I scheduled a day to do their seminar (see I told you there was a trend).  Afterwards I actually felt like a person and a patient.  The program did cost money.  But...and this is a big but (fat joke FTW):
The money covered most of the fees that insurance would not cover.  This is huge.  Sure it's money out of my pocket but it did two things for me:

1.  I had a stake in this now.  I paid them and I expect to get what I paid for from them.
2.  I felt like they had their shit together.

I paid it all up front and talked to the insurance administrator.  She's a super lady.  When I told her what happened at the other program she just said, "Oh I'm much better than that other lady."  I about fell out of my chair laughing.  I knew at least she was going to do her job.

There is another big plus at Community that folks should know.  They are all employed by Community.  They have a stake in all of this too.  Their jobs depend on taking care of fat asses like me.

I felt and still feel warm and fuzzy when I go there.

You're Just Lazy!

Just get up off your ass!

That's my favorite line.  I tell it to myself a lot too.  Here's the reality though.  I've gotten off my ass numerous times.  For months at a time and have seen some results but not enough to get me over that hump.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

Here's an old gem but if I had the energy to fight with someone who said that to me this is what I'd say:

Assume you weigh a healthy 150lbs.  Well I weigh 352lbs as of my last weigh in.  Let's just round that down to 350.

Let's do the get off your ass test with you.  Strap 200lbs to your ass and don't just get up but go to work, take care of your children and do everything else you normally do throughout the day.  You're going to make it about 10 minutes if you're lucky.

Does this make me a better person because I can carry  that much weight around for 10-12 hours a day 7 days a week, 365 days a year?  No.  It makes me an idiot.  No person in their right mind would choose to do this.

And when I say go to work and take care of your children I'm feeling a little guilty.  I know because I'm fat I'm not anywhere near as good at either as I should be.  Fat people get sick more and they cannot keep up with children like they should.

Don't get me wrong.  This isn't a fat fan club.  I'm not here to defend me being fat or anyone else.  If I ever hear of anyone using that excuse seriously I will high five them in the face with a chair.

The Journey Begins (Began)

AKA The STV Fail

So I actually started this Bariatric Journey (I will NOT refer to this from here on out as the BJ) late last year with St. Vincent's Hospital in Carmel, IN.  I did some research and joined a forum to get some opinions but ultimately chose STV because of their reputation and in small part due to their location in proximity to my job.

Things went fairly well at first.  I was required to attend a 'seminar' on bariatric surgery.  This was rather informative.  The staff was a little too informal but I thought well maybe that's the norm.  After the seminar we were given the option to speak with the surgeon ($100 bucks or so and not covered by insurance) which I opted to do.  I spent about 10 minutes with the surgeon who was very personable but a little off.

After that I was shuffled along to someone to schedule the required 'shrink' visit.  Again another round of costs not covered by insurance.  This would become a common theme and I am still running into little things here and there that insurance doesn't cover.

My overall feeling I got was this:

- Insurance is going to be a pain in the ass

- Don't call us complaining about insurance being a pain in the ass...we'll call you (RED FLAG should have popped up right there)

- It was going to take about 6 months for this to get all worked out and maybe a year

- I was in good hands as far as the surgeon was concerned

- I know what cattle feel like when they're getting moved through their pins.

The whole process was very, very impersonal.  I never really felt like anyone gave 2 shits about me as a person.  I also had an underlying feeling that the staff and nurses felt like we were all a bunch of lazy asses who just got fat yesterday and wanted to get thin again.

Still I stuck it out.  I put my faith in the one person who would be key in all of this.  The surgeon's insurance coordinator.

I should point out right there that in fairness to STV, the surgeons and their staff are not employees of STV.  I still feel like the whole program needs loads of work.

Well it turns out that the surgeon that was chosen for me (we had a choice but I wanted to get started quick and this guy was the next up in the seminar rotation) has a waterhead for an insurance coordinator.

I will bore you with the gory details of what happens when dealing with insurance later on down the road.

So I waited, sometimes patiently, sometimes not for several weeks which turned out to be months and finally gave up trying to contact them since they never contacted me.  

"But Mike", you're saying to yourself, "they said it would take months."  I know.  But every time I contacted this ding dong (only effective way was with her Yahoo! account by the way) I got mixed answers and never a direct answer to my question.

Had I given up I would have assumed this the norm.  Thankfully I didn't.  I can't say that you should not go to STV.  I have been told by numerous people that their program is superb.  They cannot all be wrong.  This is just an example of one person giving bad customer service can make the difference and vice versa.

What I do suggest for anyone reading this blog who is interested in bariatric surgery is that you attend the seminar for at least 2 programs before you make your decision.  This is a life changing, life threatening surgery.  You should find a surgeon and team that you are comfortable with.

tl;dr

STV wasn't a good fit for me

"Is that a fat joke?"

I say that almost daily when someone mentions something to me about food.  I'm mostly joking when I say it.  But in all reality I'm trying to get a jump on them jamming on me for being fat.  It's an almost unconscious self-defense mechanism.  Tons (hahahahahahaha...pun FTW) of fat people do it.  We're natural comedians.  Nobody is as good at beating themselves up as a self conscious person.

Fat=self conscious.  

It's not exclusive to fat people but being fat is what I know.  I'm sure people with true disabilities (not self imposed like us fat asses) are the same way.

I don't know what I'll say when I actually lose weight but I'll probably still say it.  From what I understand about true weight loss (weight loss and maintaining a goal weight) is that people still see themselves as fat.  How can we not?  We've been fat for decades.  Now in just 18 months we're at a 'healthy' weight.  Our minds are blown.  We don't (I won't) know how to react to the fact that we can buy clothes in a  normal store like Wal-Mart (ok not a great example of normal) or Kohl's.

I'm really not trying to make you feel bad for me or any other fat person.  When I see people fatter than me I make fun of them.  Especially the ones on scooters with handicap placards who drive around the parking lot 800 times waiting for a space to free up.

There are exceptions I'm sure but you're not fat because of a physical issue.  I've seen people with no legs who are in the best shape of their lives.  I've seen people in wheelchairs who make me ashamed to be so fat. Being fat is like being a practicing alcoholic.  If you know me you'll know I'm speaking from experience here.  Excuses roll off a fat person's tongue easier than an East Washington Street hooker.  The problem is, though there is an Overeaters' Anonymous program. You can (and I have with the exception of a few NA beers) live without booze.

You cannot live without food.  

That's the biggest excuse I have ever heard / used.

I guess other than documenting my journey through this gauntlet of weight loss I want to shed some light on why I'm fat and why I think most other people who are fat are well...fat.

I am not an expert at anything other than losing weight.  You should not read this to be the gospel according to fat.  I hope its entertaining enough to keep you around and informative enough to save some other fatty's life.


tl;dr
I love making fun of myself
Don't cry for me Argentina
I hope you like this
I'm not a doctor.  I play one on the Interwebs.

Why are you fat?

OK no one ever really asks me that.  I have been asked why I let myself go and how long have you been 'big' but never why.

Well I could blame my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cats, Obama, that idiot over there, you but in reality its because of choices I've made throughout my life.  

Poor choices.  (Why do I always think of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when I say something about choices.  "He chose...poorly.")

It is and always will be easier to blame other people.  Then I can sit back scarf down a box of donuts and feel righteous that if other people would have done this or that for me I wouldn't be fat.

I'm fat because I eat a shit ton of food and I never exercise.  I know, I know.  You thought I was going to give some long explanation about being big boned, thyroid, any numerous bull shit excuses.  

The fact is I eat a lot and I like to move as little as possible.

That wasn't true when I was really young.  Like early grade school young.  I would play outside for days on end at my grandparents house up in Logansport.  I would ride bikes, play in my grandpa's shed, pretend I was some great explorer, you name it.  I did all of that great kid stuff.  But all the while I still ate like it was my last meal, every meal.

And I wasn't eating stuff that was good for me.  I could blame it on that one time my grandma made me sit at the table and finish some veggie or when my dad wouldn't let me get up until I finished the BLT he made for me.  The LT of that sandwich made me want to gag.  Maybe that triggered something in my mind that said if I'm getting punished with this stuff it must be horrible.  You know what.  I think there's some truth to that.

But that was some 20-30 years ago.  I'm a grown ass man.  I have more information available to me as does the rest of society than I've ever had.  I should be able to beat this.  The thing is, I've read all the info.  I can tell you exactly how I can lose weight.  I can tell you exactly how to lose weight.

Here's the thing though.  I've lost 30-60lbs several times in my life.  I did it in high school.  I did it right after college.  I did it again about 10 years ago.  So I know how to lose weight.  I am an expert in that field.  I tried all sorts of things.  Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Weight Watchers Online, Atkins...all the big names.  The only one that worked for me was Atkins.  

So I know what gets me fat.  Carbs do.  Sugar and processed flour.  When I was eating meat, cheese, beans and nuts I was dropping pounds quicker than I ever had in my life.  I got more energy and actually started exercising even.  I love the FitLynxx stuff at the Y.  I could work out and get all geeky and go online and find out how much I lifted.

But then I would find excuses for not going back to the gym.  I would eat crap from fast food places again.  And then I started probably the most destructive thing I've ever done.  I'll get into that later.  Not sure I'm ready to talk about that yet.  But I need to.

Then I'd be 20-30 pounds fatter than I was before I started losing weight.

In the end though I never saw enough results to be satisfied.  I'd get below the elusive 300lbs mark and that would be great but I was still effin' fat.  I'd look at myself in the mirror and say, "Why bother."

Well I'll tell you why I should bother:

1.  I don't want to die.

2.  I have a beautiful family that doesn't want me to die.

3.  I do not want to buy another piece of clothing from Casual Male (aka the Fat Guy Store)

4.  I want to parts of my body that I haven't seen in 20 years except in a mirror.

5.  Did I mention I don't want to die

Well that was long enough.  I thought it would be hard to write about this but I think I like to hear (or see) myself talk.

tl;dr

I'm fat because of choices I made

I don't want to die

I HATE WELCOME POSTS

But they are kind of useful no?  You don't know anything about me.  So why are you here?  Oh wait, this is my blog not yours.  I know why you're here.  I shamelessly plugged this blog and emailed all my friends.  That's why you're here.

I'm here because I'm fat.  What?  I know, I know some folks think us fat people don't know.  That's why they tell us.  All the time.

I'm here because I've struggled all my life with being fat.  Oh yeah, I'm not PC so if you're thinking that I need to say overweight, weight challenged, etc.  You're in the wrong place.  I'm fat.  I know it.  I've lost around 100 to 150 lbs over the course of my life.

I'm an expert at losing weight.  Keeping it off is another story altogether.

I've come to the conclusion that bariatric surgery is my last resort.  That's what this is about.  It's about my journey up to today and whatever the future holds for me.

If you choose to come along for the ride, welcome.  If not, thanks for taking a look.

tl;dr

I'm fat

I'm preparing for bariatric surgery