I linked this blog to my twitter account for now. I won't be able to tweet during the surgery as you can well imagine but I hope to tweet as much as possible as well as updating the blog.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Pre-Op Day
So Friday was my pre-op day. Having never undergone any kind of surgical procedure I didn't know what to expect. I was nervous but excited.
I was scheduled for 3 tests, blood work and a pre-op clinic visit.
The 3 tests I had were :
GB Ultrasound - this was a simple ultrasounds on mostly my left side. I would later find out that they were really interested in the position of my liver. That's a normal thing. The ultrasound tech was fantastic but he beat me up pretty good. My liver wasn't cooperating at all so I had to roll into all kinds of uncomfortable positions. That took about 20-30 minutes tops.
Chest X-Ray - this was the simplest of all tests. They did a chest x-ray from the front and side, again to see where my liver is in regards to my stomach.
Upper GI - This was the one that was of most concern to me but it ended up being relatively simple. If you love thick and thin barium then you're in like Flynn. Basically I took some pop-rocks like substance and swallowed that. Then I swallowed a little water and they told me to try not to burp.
Great...that's like telling a bear not to shit in the woods...
Well that went OK and then I had to stand on a machine and drink some thick barium. That tastes like baby shit looks in case you were wondering. Then they put me on this machine that was like a table out of Frankenstein and had me roll around to coat my stomach. This was more to see the shape of my stomach to help my surgeon determine the best route for the surgery.
Then I had to lay on my stomach and drink a couple of sips of the thin barium which tastes decidedly better than the thick kind but its all relative. It still tastes like white dog shit would taste.
After that I went to the pre-op clinic for an EKG, blood pressure and about a thousand questions regarding my medical history. Then the awesome nurse talked to me about pre-op, day of surgery and post-op. She was detailed, I asked questions (yes guys you get a catheter but in my case it will be under anesthetic) and generally got a feel for what my experience will be like.
After that we had a 4 hour class with the Community North Bariatric team led in the morning by the nurse and after lunch by a dietitian. A lot of this was repetitive but it was great for my wife. She was admittedly overwhelmed with the information so I hope she will comment on it here. The best question she asked that day was if there was any support for the spouses / significant others. The short answer is not really and the long answer is sort of...
What was disturbing to me was how much people seemed to want to second guess the nurse and dietitian. Again folks I'm no doc but those of us who are doing this surgery are all doing it as an elective procedure. We should be taking copious notes and doing every thing they're saying. In other words we should be model patients. I have no doubt that some of these folks will cancel their surgery or just follow the plan half-heartedly.
The other thing that was disturbing was how many folks were not there with their support person. I'm sure scheduling a whole day for this is hard for folks but it tells me that they do not realize the gravity of the change that is about to occur for the person they are supporting.
Want some proof? When you get home, pull out a 1/4 cup measuring cup. That's the maximum I'll be able to eat after this for about 6 months. Maximum folks. Many times I won't even feel like eating that much. I will lose 50-75% of my 176lbs in those 6 months. I will drop sizes so quickly that super models will be jealous.
tl;dr
3 tests - Chest x-ray, Upper GI scan, GB Ultrasound
Had a 4 hour class after that
I'll be eating a maximum of 1/4 cup of food per meal for about 6 months
I was scheduled for 3 tests, blood work and a pre-op clinic visit.
The 3 tests I had were :
GB Ultrasound - this was a simple ultrasounds on mostly my left side. I would later find out that they were really interested in the position of my liver. That's a normal thing. The ultrasound tech was fantastic but he beat me up pretty good. My liver wasn't cooperating at all so I had to roll into all kinds of uncomfortable positions. That took about 20-30 minutes tops.
Chest X-Ray - this was the simplest of all tests. They did a chest x-ray from the front and side, again to see where my liver is in regards to my stomach.
Upper GI - This was the one that was of most concern to me but it ended up being relatively simple. If you love thick and thin barium then you're in like Flynn. Basically I took some pop-rocks like substance and swallowed that. Then I swallowed a little water and they told me to try not to burp.
Great...that's like telling a bear not to shit in the woods...
Well that went OK and then I had to stand on a machine and drink some thick barium. That tastes like baby shit looks in case you were wondering. Then they put me on this machine that was like a table out of Frankenstein and had me roll around to coat my stomach. This was more to see the shape of my stomach to help my surgeon determine the best route for the surgery.
Then I had to lay on my stomach and drink a couple of sips of the thin barium which tastes decidedly better than the thick kind but its all relative. It still tastes like white dog shit would taste.
After that I went to the pre-op clinic for an EKG, blood pressure and about a thousand questions regarding my medical history. Then the awesome nurse talked to me about pre-op, day of surgery and post-op. She was detailed, I asked questions (yes guys you get a catheter but in my case it will be under anesthetic) and generally got a feel for what my experience will be like.
After that we had a 4 hour class with the Community North Bariatric team led in the morning by the nurse and after lunch by a dietitian. A lot of this was repetitive but it was great for my wife. She was admittedly overwhelmed with the information so I hope she will comment on it here. The best question she asked that day was if there was any support for the spouses / significant others. The short answer is not really and the long answer is sort of...
What was disturbing to me was how much people seemed to want to second guess the nurse and dietitian. Again folks I'm no doc but those of us who are doing this surgery are all doing it as an elective procedure. We should be taking copious notes and doing every thing they're saying. In other words we should be model patients. I have no doubt that some of these folks will cancel their surgery or just follow the plan half-heartedly.
The other thing that was disturbing was how many folks were not there with their support person. I'm sure scheduling a whole day for this is hard for folks but it tells me that they do not realize the gravity of the change that is about to occur for the person they are supporting.
Want some proof? When you get home, pull out a 1/4 cup measuring cup. That's the maximum I'll be able to eat after this for about 6 months. Maximum folks. Many times I won't even feel like eating that much. I will lose 50-75% of my 176lbs in those 6 months. I will drop sizes so quickly that super models will be jealous.
tl;dr
3 tests - Chest x-ray, Upper GI scan, GB Ultrasound
Had a 4 hour class after that
I'll be eating a maximum of 1/4 cup of food per meal for about 6 months
Thursday, September 20, 2012
I'm Mike and I'm an Addict
You: "Hi Mike! Keep coming back."
For those of you who haven't been to an AA or NA meeting that's basically what you hear most of the meeting.
DISCLAIMER:
I'm not a clinically diagnosed food addict but I am treating this whole process like I am one.
So after my post the other day about the popcorn popper, I've been hyper-sensitive to my actions and how they would compare with my actions as an alcoholic. You can relate anything to another thing if you try hard but it seems like a higher being is trying to tell me something as of late.
I regularly walk out the door 'forgetting' my breakfast and lunch in the morning. My beautiful wife always offers to make my lunch and we buy stuff for breakfasts all the time. I can't say I really do this consciously but I know that it would be cheaper blah blah blah.
So the other day I scrambled out the door with no lunch. I got breakfast (2 bacon egg and cheese biscuits, hash brown and large iced coffee no flavor) at McDonald's. As I made it through the morning, I felt grumblings and looked up to see that it was 12:30PM already.
I kind of go to lunch whenever since I'm not sure when I'll have time so I got up, walked outside and said, "What the hell?" There was a boom lift sitting right outside of our employee entrance. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal but it happened to be right behind my car. Again, no big deal. I walked out towards the lift to see if the operator was there so he could move it for a minute while I left for lunch. Some guy in a douchey leather fedora started blabbering about how it just up and quit on them.
As I turned to go back inside I got angrier and angrier. Not mad. Angry. Like this shithead parked that thing behind me on purpose. He tried a half-assed apology but I just walked back inside flailing my hands and saying, "WHATEVER!!!!" as loud as I could. I'm sure I looked like an even bigger water head than I felt.
Then I remembered the popcorn popper from the night before. I had a huge breakfast that morning and had water and snacks so I wasn't going to starve. I finally reasoned with myself and calmed down. Not one of my finer moments...
Fast forward to today...
I went to McDonald's for lunch today just to get out of the office for a while and I didn't have cash for the vending machine. I placed my order, paid and went to the pickup window. As they handed me the bag I saw Mr. Monopoly (AKA Rich Uncle Pennybags). For me the McDonald's Monopoly game should have been the warning sign that I was a food addict the first time I played.
Under the precipice of actually winning something, I would eat McDonald's as much as I could whenever they'd roll this game out. I never actually won anything but free food (SCORE!) which wasn't really free considering how much I spent on food trying to win.
I thought about the Monopoly game at McDonald's as I drove back to the office. This will be the first time since I can remember that I won't participate. McDonald's in the central Indiana area will suffer but I'm sure they'll be fine.
Some folks would sit here and spew a twisted yarn of blame towards McDonald's and all other food vendors that come up with gimmicks to get you to eat their food and give them money. I just cannot do that. I'm lucky enough to be an American. I have the freedom to choose what to eat and where I purchase my food whether it be fast or otherwise. No one is holding a gun to my head telling me to eat anywhere.
tl;dr
I'm a self-diagnosed food addict
I'm starting to think about my actions in regards to food more often
For those of you who haven't been to an AA or NA meeting that's basically what you hear most of the meeting.
DISCLAIMER:
I'm not a clinically diagnosed food addict but I am treating this whole process like I am one.
So after my post the other day about the popcorn popper, I've been hyper-sensitive to my actions and how they would compare with my actions as an alcoholic. You can relate anything to another thing if you try hard but it seems like a higher being is trying to tell me something as of late.
I regularly walk out the door 'forgetting' my breakfast and lunch in the morning. My beautiful wife always offers to make my lunch and we buy stuff for breakfasts all the time. I can't say I really do this consciously but I know that it would be cheaper blah blah blah.
So the other day I scrambled out the door with no lunch. I got breakfast (2 bacon egg and cheese biscuits, hash brown and large iced coffee no flavor) at McDonald's. As I made it through the morning, I felt grumblings and looked up to see that it was 12:30PM already.
I kind of go to lunch whenever since I'm not sure when I'll have time so I got up, walked outside and said, "What the hell?" There was a boom lift sitting right outside of our employee entrance. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal but it happened to be right behind my car. Again, no big deal. I walked out towards the lift to see if the operator was there so he could move it for a minute while I left for lunch. Some guy in a douchey leather fedora started blabbering about how it just up and quit on them.
As I turned to go back inside I got angrier and angrier. Not mad. Angry. Like this shithead parked that thing behind me on purpose. He tried a half-assed apology but I just walked back inside flailing my hands and saying, "WHATEVER!!!!" as loud as I could. I'm sure I looked like an even bigger water head than I felt.
Then I remembered the popcorn popper from the night before. I had a huge breakfast that morning and had water and snacks so I wasn't going to starve. I finally reasoned with myself and calmed down. Not one of my finer moments...
Fast forward to today...
I went to McDonald's for lunch today just to get out of the office for a while and I didn't have cash for the vending machine. I placed my order, paid and went to the pickup window. As they handed me the bag I saw Mr. Monopoly (AKA Rich Uncle Pennybags). For me the McDonald's Monopoly game should have been the warning sign that I was a food addict the first time I played.
Under the precipice of actually winning something, I would eat McDonald's as much as I could whenever they'd roll this game out. I never actually won anything but free food (SCORE!) which wasn't really free considering how much I spent on food trying to win.
I thought about the Monopoly game at McDonald's as I drove back to the office. This will be the first time since I can remember that I won't participate. McDonald's in the central Indiana area will suffer but I'm sure they'll be fine.
Some folks would sit here and spew a twisted yarn of blame towards McDonald's and all other food vendors that come up with gimmicks to get you to eat their food and give them money. I just cannot do that. I'm lucky enough to be an American. I have the freedom to choose what to eat and where I purchase my food whether it be fast or otherwise. No one is holding a gun to my head telling me to eat anywhere.
tl;dr
I'm a self-diagnosed food addict
I'm starting to think about my actions in regards to food more often
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I saw the sign...
As a food addict like any other addict, I have my go-to food. For me it's air-popped popcorn with unsalted butter and Parmesan cheese poured over the top. I like to think that it's healthy because its air-popped and the butter is unsalted but let's get real. It's about as unhealthy as you can get.
Ask my wife, I eat this at least 2-3 times a week. I actually have eaten this almost daily as part of a weight loss attempt. I lost weight mostly because I didn't have any pop with it but it didn't last.
So last night we put E to bed and I asked my wife what she wanted for dinner. I was hoping she'd say popcorn and God love 'er she did. I have a routine down and know how long it'll take to melt a stick (yeah an effin' stick) of butter - unsalted mind you in the microwave. I get out a kitchen towel, get my glass of water because it's going to be a healthy dinner and fire up the popper.
Well this time the popper didn't start up. It hummed and I started to smell something burning. I looked at my wife and said, "That's a sign from God." She and I laughed but we knew it was a sign of things to come. This story would have been great if I would have thrown out the popper, pop corn and melted butter but I knew I had filled it kind of full so I tried with less popcorn.
So the damn thing ran and I had my go-to meal yet again. However I'm out of cheese and I can use the stick of butter for something else I guess.
It really is like saying goodbye to a friend. Not a good friend but a friend none the less. It's hard to explain to someone but it's like moving away. I am on a journey and I think everyone (the 5 of you) that reads this understands that part of it. However we don't realize the collateral damage. I'll be throwing that pop corn popper away. If you need about 2.5lbs of popcorn kernels, let me know. I'll hook you up. Otherwise they're going in the trash too.
Ask my wife, I eat this at least 2-3 times a week. I actually have eaten this almost daily as part of a weight loss attempt. I lost weight mostly because I didn't have any pop with it but it didn't last.
So last night we put E to bed and I asked my wife what she wanted for dinner. I was hoping she'd say popcorn and God love 'er she did. I have a routine down and know how long it'll take to melt a stick (yeah an effin' stick) of butter - unsalted mind you in the microwave. I get out a kitchen towel, get my glass of water because it's going to be a healthy dinner and fire up the popper.
Well this time the popper didn't start up. It hummed and I started to smell something burning. I looked at my wife and said, "That's a sign from God." She and I laughed but we knew it was a sign of things to come. This story would have been great if I would have thrown out the popper, pop corn and melted butter but I knew I had filled it kind of full so I tried with less popcorn.
So the damn thing ran and I had my go-to meal yet again. However I'm out of cheese and I can use the stick of butter for something else I guess.
It really is like saying goodbye to a friend. Not a good friend but a friend none the less. It's hard to explain to someone but it's like moving away. I am on a journey and I think everyone (the 5 of you) that reads this understands that part of it. However we don't realize the collateral damage. I'll be throwing that pop corn popper away. If you need about 2.5lbs of popcorn kernels, let me know. I'll hook you up. Otherwise they're going in the trash too.
Collateral Damage
If you read all the negative hype about this type of weight loss and the surgery itself you'll see all kinds of collateral damage. Marriages, friendships, even one's own life.
The up side to this Journey is that most of the collateral damage will be things that are bad for me anyway. Plopping down in front of the couch in my spot watching endless hours of shit on TV. We've even thought of getting rid of cable and just doing a HTPC. There are still some things I'd like to watch but I'll have to get out of that habit.
Kelly and I have already stopped buying pop for home. Sure we still have one every so often but after my surgery I'm not going to be able to have it at all. I can't give up food but I'll replace that addiction with an addiction to following the plan given to me by my docs.
My size 56" pants (or 4x for those of you playing the home game) and 3XLT shirts will have to go. I'll keep a pair just to remind myself I'm sure but I won't miss it when I give all of that stuff to Goodwill. My giant belts and even my extra wide shoes will get kicked to the curb.
It's funny though. I still see all of that stuff as a loss. Those clothes were carefully chosen to be comfy and loose fitting. They are my adult security blanket. I only have a few sets of clothes. First of all because fat clothes are way over priced. Sure the ACME tent company makes them and they take more material but the cheap ass shit they use for material wears out in about a year. I can't just go to Wal-Mart or Kohl's to buy clothes.
I see it as a loss to not get to roll through McDonald's in the morning to grab 2 Bacon, Egg and Cheese biscuits, a hash brown and large iced coffee no flavor. I see it as a loss not getting gas at Speedway and seeing how many donuts I have to buy before I get a free one. I'll miss not getting 2 Monster Coffee Energy Drinks for 4 bucks.
What I won't miss is the money I spend daily on this habit. Drug and Alcohol addicts spend way more but they don't get to justify it quite like a food addict. I spend on average $16.00 a day on food. That's ~$4000.00 a year on food. Just for me. And that's after we've spent money for groceries each week. I love going out to eat but man it puts a strain on our bank account.
The things that you don't take into account when in an addictive relationship with anything is the affect it has on anyone / anything other than yourself. I'm a good person who loves his wife, children and family. It's time to start acting like it for a change.
The up side to this Journey is that most of the collateral damage will be things that are bad for me anyway. Plopping down in front of the couch in my spot watching endless hours of shit on TV. We've even thought of getting rid of cable and just doing a HTPC. There are still some things I'd like to watch but I'll have to get out of that habit.
Kelly and I have already stopped buying pop for home. Sure we still have one every so often but after my surgery I'm not going to be able to have it at all. I can't give up food but I'll replace that addiction with an addiction to following the plan given to me by my docs.
My size 56" pants (or 4x for those of you playing the home game) and 3XLT shirts will have to go. I'll keep a pair just to remind myself I'm sure but I won't miss it when I give all of that stuff to Goodwill. My giant belts and even my extra wide shoes will get kicked to the curb.
It's funny though. I still see all of that stuff as a loss. Those clothes were carefully chosen to be comfy and loose fitting. They are my adult security blanket. I only have a few sets of clothes. First of all because fat clothes are way over priced. Sure the ACME tent company makes them and they take more material but the cheap ass shit they use for material wears out in about a year. I can't just go to Wal-Mart or Kohl's to buy clothes.
I see it as a loss to not get to roll through McDonald's in the morning to grab 2 Bacon, Egg and Cheese biscuits, a hash brown and large iced coffee no flavor. I see it as a loss not getting gas at Speedway and seeing how many donuts I have to buy before I get a free one. I'll miss not getting 2 Monster Coffee Energy Drinks for 4 bucks.
What I won't miss is the money I spend daily on this habit. Drug and Alcohol addicts spend way more but they don't get to justify it quite like a food addict. I spend on average $16.00 a day on food. That's ~$4000.00 a year on food. Just for me. And that's after we've spent money for groceries each week. I love going out to eat but man it puts a strain on our bank account.
The things that you don't take into account when in an addictive relationship with anything is the affect it has on anyone / anything other than yourself. I'm a good person who loves his wife, children and family. It's time to start acting like it for a change.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Happy Birthday Ella!
Today is my daughter's birthday. She has brought so much joy to our lives and I love her so much. She changed what 9/11 means to me. I will never forget what happened on 9/11/01 and I will never forget what happened on 9/11/09.
Happy Birthday little peanut! Daddy loves you!
Happy Birthday little peanut! Daddy loves you!
Friday, September 7, 2012
Irony - I has it
Being inherently negative as a fatty I have always felt like I am not really good at much of anything. I know that's not really true but I am my own best punching bag.
Besides being a damn good Windows admin there is one thing that I took to right away.
BBQ
BBQ is something I would do full time right now if I could. Everybody loves my meat. I rub it. I inject it. They can't keep it out of their mouths. My wife talks about my meat and my sauce all the time.
Some of you quicker folks are beginning to see my quandary. I'm getting ready to have major surgery to give me that tool that I've been missing for years, control over my hunger. In other words I'm ending the bottomless pit. However I love to cook. More to the point, I love to play with my meat and smoke it for hours on end until its juicy, tender and melts in your mouth. I was born to BBQ.
Several years ago my family got me a smoker for Father's Day and the rest is history. I now have 3 smokers (unfortunately the original died in a fiery death) 2 grills and a passion for smoked meat. When I got the axe a couple of years ago from Douche-Take Software I was this close to going into culinary school. Luckily my current employer called and kept me from years of debt and minimum wage jobs.
But the fire still burns inside of me. So we come to my quandary. I'm sitting at the desk in my room at the Ramada Inn in Perry, GA anxiously awaiting this. I'm going to meet one of my BBQ heroes tonight with a dozen other people for a weekend of competition Q education.
The class was a gift from my gorgeous wife earlier this year. I know what you're thinking.
Best.Wife.Ever
You'd be right if you were thinking that. But not because she got me enrolled in this class. It's because she's been supportive of me from day one in this journey. She's told me to sack up when I needed it and let me cry on her shoulder when I needed that. I truly am a lucky man.
This blog isn't about BBQ though. So you see the irony. I'm getting ready to spend 2 days doing what I love to do. With my addiction right by my side. Some folks have asked me why I didn't cancel the class after I found out about my surgery.
There are a couple of reasons for that. One, Myron doesn't give refunds. That's the biggest reason honestly. I'm grateful for that because the other big reason is I really, really want to do BBQ the rest of my life. I want to compete in BBQ competitions, I want to open a restaurant with my wife and serve BBQ until I can't walk anymore. Since I don't have the cash laying around to open a restaurant or food truck right now I'll have to rely on competing to get my name out there.
So the answer to the question in the back of my mind and yours is I will still cook and Q after my surgery. Not because I don't want to give up food or I'm not going to take the surgery seriously. I'm going to continue to do it because it makes me happy to see folks have a foodgasm in their mouth when they eat my food.
The next few weeks are going to be crazy around here. This weekend isn't my last foray into Q but hopefully the beginning of a new chapter for me and my family.
tl;dr
I love my wife.
I'm at the Jack's Old South Cooking school this weekend
I'm meeting Myron Mixon
I'm still going to do BBQ
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