Family

The toll that fat takes on me is huge.  I'm literally shaving years off of my life with each pound I gain.  What I, and I'd venture to say most fat people out there, don't get or just refuse to admit is how much stress it puts on each and every one of your family and to a point your friends.

We have lots of reasons why we seemingly don't think or care about our family and friends.

We Blame Them

This is by far the worst but I'd bet most common excuse of all.  Unless your family is some kind of psychotic group of people reenacting the gluttony scene from the movie Se7en they are not forcing food down your throat.  You may feel like they are doing everything but...but god dammit it's your body and it's your choice.

We are ashamed of ourselves

This is the real reason.  For me at least.  I am distant, moody, grumpy, whatever you want to call it.  Not because I'm miserable in my relationships with others but because most days I see myself at about the same level as a dung beetle.  I have my moments where I'm attentive, loving, caring, funny (without making myself look like a huge douche) but at the least bit of pressure I regress like a hurt animal.  If there was a rock big enough for my fat ass to get under, I'd be there.

I know...suck it up right?  Well it's not that easy when you've been on defense of yourself even to yourself for nearly 30 years.

There are loads of other reasons that I'll try to delve into later but these are the 2 big ones for me.

What now?

So this is great that I know why I feel like a total doucher most of the time.  It's great that I've admitted my faults but how does this help my family?

Honestly?  It doesn't help.  It won't help until I start making changes.  I can say with a straight face that I've finally admitted that I have a problem and that its my problem, not anyone else's  Now its just a matter of time before I start being proud of myself.  That and telling and more importantly showing my family how much I love them and appreciate them.

It's one thing to say / write all of this happy shit down.  It's another one entirely to take action.  That's what us fatsos lack.  The motivation to get up and do something about it.  Sure its physical.  We've wiped out our energy supply long ago.  That's why I've chosen to do bariatric surgery.  The quicker I lose weight the quicker I will get that energy back.  With energy comes motivation.